What does it really mean to love yourself? You hear it all the time from different places. But what is it, and how do you take steps on the journey of self-love?
Self-love is caring for and about yourself enough to avoid negativity about your struggles and allow yourself to make mistakes. It means looking at yourself honestly and humbly and not being your own worst enemy. Use thought-stopping strategies and positive affirmations. Change the internal dialogue of loathing that can become second nature in a world so obsessed with perfection. Notice when you’re being mean to yourself for something that may not have been your fault. Consider whether you would lame your friend for the same situation.
To truly love yourself takes practice and patience. It’s a commitment to live every day trying to do better and be better. Start by simply looking in the mirror and repeating strengths to yourself. Take an inventory on paper of your positive qualities.
Seeing positive qualities and strengths may be difficult. It’s okay if you need to ask someone you trust and who cares about you to help you get started. Look to a trusted friend, family member, or significant other for what they see are your strengths.
After making a list on paper, on your phone, or mentally, pick at least three. Say them to yourself every day. An example from my own life: I know I am a good mom. I know I am a caring person. I know I am beautiful. By repeating these simple phrases in the morning to yourself, you can boost your self-esteem and work toward loving yourself.
The next step is noticing when you have negative thoughts. What is going on when insecurities creep in? They could be “I’m too fat” or “I’m not good enough.” They might include “I’m not smart enough.” Notice any thought that might be a part of the brokenness. Then rewrite the narrative.
Think about what you could say to switch these phrases to positives. Instead of thinking “I’m too fat,” change it to “I am a work in progress.” Follow up by thinking about what you could improve on. Change “I’m not good enough,” change it to “I am trying my best” and think about times when you’ve crushed a challenge. Transform “I’m not smart enough,” into “I am learning.” Then think about the knowledge you possess already.
Self-care, which I discuss in another post, is an excellent way to improve self-love as well. Doing small things daily to help you manage stress and relax keeps you going. It allows you to continue along the path to confidence and acceptance. Cut yourself some slack, and remember that you are improving yourself. Positive affirmations are an essential tool for this.
Self-love is an ongoing challenge that requires you to push back against the norm. Defeat self-deprecation to achieve something much more healthy. When you love yourself, you can do so much more than you could have imagined. That can lead to turning things around in other areas of your life.
Suppose you want more suggestions and an explanation about the impact of positive thinking on your brain. Or suppose you need more ideas about positive affirmations or want to learn more about the science behind this practice. Check out Neurons that Fire Together Wire Together.
I hope self-love becomes a priority for you and reading this might have helped start you on the right track.
Simply,
Soberry
This site is for educational purposes based on life experience and formal training as a counselor. I do not intend to replace advice from a licensed professional or sessions with a therapist. Read the full disclaimer for details. We list national helplines on the contact page.