Healthy Relationships: “The Course of True Love Never Did Run Smooth”

This was originally shared on May 20, 2021, refreshed on February 5, 2026.

Quote from William Shakespeare in A Midsummer Night’s Dream

We see couples who seem to have it all figured out and wonder, what are they doing that we aren’t? The truth is, building healthy relationships takes work. There’s no guidebook or perfect formula for love. It’s about showing up every day—even when you’re tired, stressed, or don’t feel like it.

My husband and I will have been married for nine years this May. Over that time, we’ve learned a lot about what it takes to build and maintain a strong, lasting relationship. I want to share what has worked for us. Building a life together starts with learning how to love and care for another person.

Love for Healthy Relationships

When you google love, so many definitions come up. Everyone seems to have their own way of explaining it. According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, there are nine ways to define the noun form and four more ways to describe it as a verb.

Love: the Noun

So first, for a quick grammar refresher: a noun is a person, place, or thing. Love is a thing, an emotion, a feeling toward someone or something. Of the nine definitions of love as a noun, my favorites are “strong affection for another,” “warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion,” and “unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another.”

First, let’s explore what love is. Then we’ll discuss how to put love into action.

Affection: The Heart of Healthy Relationships

Love begins with caring deeply. This is a foundation of strong relationships. Therefore, without care, forming a genuine bond is almost impossible.

Historically, arranged marriages were often about social status or politics, not affection. While some grow into deep love over time, starting with genuine care makes the journey easier and more fulfilling.

Affection is deeply personal. Loving through affection requires openness—not only offering love in ways that feel natural to you but learning to give and receive it in ways meaningful to your partner.

For us, checking in daily—even over a quick text—keeps us connected and strengthens our relationship.

Devotion: Showing Up Every Day

Love requires devotion. Being devoted means showing up consistently, even when life is messy. As Grease says, “I’m hopelessly devoted to you.”

Devotion shows in how you treat your partner and navigate life together. For example, early in our marriage, carving out time to really talk about our day changed everything. Those conversations—sometimes only 10 minutes—allowed us to listen actively, respond thoughtfully, and show care without expectation.

So, 0ver time, devotion became about consistent effort—checking in, celebrating wins, and supporting each other’s growth.

Dive into your relationships. Don’t lose yourself or change your values, but freely put in the time and energy that it takes to make a relationship work with no hesitation. It’s you and your partner versus the world.

Benevolent Concern: Selfless Care

True love involves kindness that isn’t self-serving. You genuinely want your partner to thrive, succeed, and feel supported.

For us, that looks like daily check-ins about health, mood, or challenges. Even a simple, “How’s your day going?” while juggling the boys or walking the dogs keeps us aligned. Selfless care strengthens healthy, lasting relationships.

Love: The Verb

Another quick grammar refresher: verbs are action words or words that express doing something. Although there are four definitions for love as a verb, the one that applies best with healthy relationships is “to hold dear: cherish.”

Love as an action looks different in every relationship, but healthy relationships grow when love is intentional. One way to think about this is like tending a fern.

You prepare the soil.
You plant the bulb.
You water and fertilize.
You protect it from weeds and pests.

Growth happens slowly, but neglect shows quickly.

Growing Together: The Prep Work

Growing Together: The Prep Work

Prepare the soil: Get to know each other and find shared interests. For us, it started with Batman t-shirts—a small spark that turned strangers into people laughing for hours.

Plant the bulb: Turn shared interests into conversations about values and priorities. We bonded over humor and witty conversation—common ground that has evolved over twelve years.

Water and fertilize: Spend time together, nurture the bond, and learn each other’s strengths and goals. Daily effort—yes, even when it feels like one more task—is essential for long-term relationship success.

Honesty and openness are key to growing strong, lasting relationships.

Healthy Relationships and Communication: More Than Just Talking

One of the biggest misconceptions about healthy relationships is that communication simply means talking more. Many couples talk constantly and still feel disconnected. Words alone don’t create connection. How we communicate matters just as much as what we say.

Over the years, we’ve learned that communication isn’t about fixing everything immediately. Sometimes it’s about sitting with discomfort and allowing the other person to be fully heard.

In healthy relationships, communication becomes a daily practice rather than something reserved for conflict. So, those small check-ins, shared routines, and honest conversations prevent resentment from quietly building. These moments don’t need to be long to be effective. A few intentional minutes can shift the entire tone of a day.

Assumptions are one of the quickest ways communication breaks down. While curiosity is the antidote. Asking follow-up questions and reflecting back what you heard can completely change how a conversation lands.

Communication and love languages overlap deeply. You might be showing love in a way that feels obvious to you, but without communication, your partner may not experience it that way.

In an upcoming post, I’ll be diving deeper into active listening and how it strengthens emotional intimacy. For now, it’s enough to recognize that communication is not just about speaking, but about creating safety and connection.

Healthy Relationships: Show your Love

Now that we know what love is, how do we show it? Showing love can be broken down into five categories. As Gary Chapman explains, giving and receiving love is different for everyone. He took this idea and created The 5 Love Languages: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch.

The key to love languages is curiosity and conversation. It’s not only important to talk about what makes each of you feel loved, but also means trying gestures, celebrating what resonates, and refining what doesn’t.

1. Words of Affirmation

Notice and name your partner’s efforts. Ask: “When I say I appreciate you, what does that feel like?”

For us, it’s noticing the little things—my husband handling bedtime or remembering a task I forgot. Even a quick text saying, “I love how you handled that meeting—proud of you” creates connection and reassurance.

2. Acts of Service

Actions speak louder than words—but only if they’re meaningful. Ask: “Which acts make you feel most loved?”

Cooking, tackling dishes, or taking over bedtime routines shows care without expectation. Small acts make a big impact.

3. Receiving Gifts

Gifts don’t need to be grand—they’re about thoughtfulness and being seen. Ask: “What small things make you feel seen?”

Flowers, a favorite book, or even a little treat can speak volumes. Paying attention and acting on what brings your partner joy strengthens strong relationships.

4. Quality Time

Spending time together can happen without it being as intentional as it might need to be to show love. Being in the same room might not always be enough. Ask: “What activities make you feel most connected?”

Quality time can be board games, walks, or quiet evenings together. Intentional presence and shared focus turn time into connection.

5. Physical Touch

Sometimes you just need a hug. Showing that you love your partner might mean giving them hugs or sitting next to them on the couch. Comfort your partner and show that you care by just being physically next to them.

For me, hugs, cuddles, and sitting close are key. Over time, we’ve learned to check in about boundaries—knowing when touch is welcome and when we’re touched out. Respecting that builds trust and connection.

Curiosity + Conversation

The heart of love languages is curiosity. Growing together is only possible when we explore, experiment, and talk about what works. Notice how your partner responds, celebrate what resonates, and adjust what doesn’t.

These practices—from check-ins to shared humor to thoughtful acts—make love feel alive and evolving.

By paying attention to each other’s unique ways of feeling loved, you build a deeper, more resilient connection that grows stronger every day.

Healthy Relationships Wrap Up: Grow Your Love

Change is inevitable. Relationships require effort, patience, and understanding. Twelve years, four plus collective higher education degrees, three kids, three dogs, and countless shared experiences later, the love we had as two crazy college kids remains—but it has evolved.

There’s no quick fix for a healthy relationship. It takes trust and a daily choice to show up for each other. Growing together means prioritizing communication, patience, understanding, and support—while still growing individually. Mistakes happen; the goal is learning from them and trying again.

Show your partner love intentionally. Schedule activities together, celebrate small victories, and share struggles. Notice the little moments—Batman t-shirts sparking laughter, check-ins about the boys’ day, hugs at the end of a long day. These small, everyday practices build resilient, evolving relationships.

Healthy love is not a destination; it’s a journey. Engage thoughtfully, and your bond grows stronger with every day.

For more ideas about why making progress every day is better than trying to be perfect, check out my post Progress Not Perfection.

Simply,

S. O’Berry